The longing, and the desire to adopt has been on my heart for as long as I can remember. When Michael and I met, I shared this desire with him and soon it fell on his heart as well.Our journey of adoption has spread over 13 years. Many of you know, we started the process of adopting internationally in 2007. After five years of paperwork nightmares, excruciating hurt, disappointment, and exhaustion, we called an end to the process. We were burnt out, disillusioned, and wondered if we would ever be able to start the journey again.The burden to adopt never left my heart. If anything it grew stronger. Over the next years, God worked to heal both Michael and my hearts from many wounds and deep brokenness. God put strong Jesus followers in our path to lift us up and encourage us. I don't know if a day went by that I wasn't thinking and hoping that it was time to start the journey of adoption again. A little over a year ago we made the decision to start the adoption process once more. Only this time it looked a whole lot different.
The first time we chose International adoption. It seemed much more "clean", and easy, less risky. We made choices back then based on what we thought we could handle. What would be best for our family at that time. We didn't make the wrong choice, because we clearly knew God wanted us to follow his call to adopt, but we were young and a naive. We started with Vietnam; it closed. We started with Uganda as a Guinee pig family; it was decided (not by us) after months in, that we were not a fit for the new program. We started with Ethiopia; years would follow of more paperwork and longer waiting lists. We ended the Ethiopia adoption still far, far down on the waiting list. We were heartbroken.
Back in those years, we thought we could handle all that adoption could throw at us. Oh boy. God has shown us we really CAN'T handle any of it. You see, no adoption is "clean". In fact, International or domestic, adoption is messy, and hard, and personal, and heartbreaking. From the moment you start it hurts. Oh it hurts!!! And we have only just started. We have walked with many friends through adoptions and we have observed horrendous pain, but also a beauty that can only be orchestrated by an awesome God. The only way we can handle this pain, carry the burdens of children we don't even know yet, is by God's grace. Adoption, like most things in life is messy. It definitely is not clean!
Adoption is a beautiful example of the overabundant, redeeming love of Christ. It is physical, rolling up your sleeves work, and endless love, and weeping, and anger at the child's past you can't change or take away. It is willingness to open your family to the unknown, the wild, the crazy. But it is also opening up your family to a glorious tapestry only God in His perfect sovereignty could weave. Adoption means being willing to jump into a new child's past, full of their hurts, and anger, and fear of love. It is showing them (your biological or adopted or foster child) a Savior (not us), Christ, who ultimately made them, and chose them, and wants to make them whole. That is NOT clean! That is not low risk! That is not easy!
So here we are stepping out and ministering in our home state, in our home nation. We might not only just have 1 new family member, we might have their relatives that become part of our family. We might deal with visitations, and people hating us, we might deal with children coming and going that we get attached to and we watch walk back out our door. A wise lady once told me, "No matter how God chooses to give us our children, we really never know for how long, or who they will become, or how they will turn out. It is up to us to parent them the best we can FOR THE TIME God gives them to us".
If we can offer hope and love to a child, even if it is for a short time, than that is what we will do. Our journey is just beginning, so please pray for us to never take our eyes off Jesus, to offer these children physical and emotional safety, to show them the incredible love of Jesus so clearly it changes the course of their lives.
