Today I rode. I didn't want to, but I did. One year ago, TODAY, I was hit by a deer on my motorcycle. I ended up very bruised and with a broken shoulder. Surgery didn't go as planned, and recovery was much more than expected. I could have lost my life, but God protected me. I am amazed and thankful for His love and goodness. The injury though, took its toll physically and mentally. After months of recovery, I finally reached my goal; to ride again. That first ride, back on a bike, was tough. I rode 1 mile, and when I returned, I was physically shaking. Each ride, my physical strength grew, and I pushed myself further. But to be honest, I was scared. One ride, I had to pull over to the side of the road, and just focus on breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. Slower. Breathe in. Breathe out.
After one of those first rides, I told a treasured friend how scared I was. She looked at me and said, "I see it as you are riding into fear." Her words encouraged me and gave me such courage. Yes, staring fear in the face, and riding into it. Now, I repeat these words often, to remind myself, fear has to be met head on or it cannot be defeated.
Why do I still ride? No one would blame me, right, if after that type of trauma, I never rode again. But I wanted to ride again. I wanted to ride because I know the JOY it gives. Pure exhilarating joy! If I didn't ride again, if I let fear win, I would never experience that particular freedom and joy that only comes from a motorcycle. I wish I could describe how it feels: freedom, power, speed, wind, smells...oh the smells. It feels like I can breathe...breathe like I've been underwater for a long time and can finally surface. It...is...amazing! I digress, this is not about motorcycles.
This year has had me thinking, of course, a lot about fear. I never would have described myself as a fearful person, but after close examination, I realized I am. In fact, as a little girl, I lived in terror of most things. I had nightmares, I was scared of the dark, scared of meeting new people, and I would even hide from the school bus because I was afraid of the kids inside. In my late teen years, I was forced into a long-term situation that terrified me. By the grace of Jesus, in that moment, I realized, I either face my fears head on, or curl up in a ball the rest of my life and miss out on living. Thankfully God has given me courage and bravery to do that with most things and I have experienced so much LIFE!
When God placed our two kids from foster care into our home, I was so scared. Guess what, I still am. I'm terrified to be a mother most days of any kids, let alone kids that come from very hard places. I am not enough. I am not strong enough, not wise enough, not brave enough. Most days, I am not the mother I want to be and so many times wish I could curl up into a fearful little ball and not move. I often tell my kids that you can't be brave unless you are scared. Bravery is never the absence of fear, but the ability to move forward in the midst of fear. Funny, how when we try and teach our kids, we are really teaching ourselves. So, I have to be brave. Good thing I have Jesus, right? Sounds cliché, but no, it is everything. Without Jesus there is no strength, no courage and no bravery. He truly is my breath. My motorcycle is just an earthly pleasure that brings me joy. Jesus is my very source and anchor of joy.
As I look back at these last few years, this calling of adoption that God gave us, I know God has carried us. I know without a doubt this was His plan for our family. It has been hard. The hard has not stopped. The fears have not gone away. Someone quoted about fostering/adopting, "It's the mercy of God that He doesn't show us everything that will unfold on our journey the moment we first say yes to it. All the good would be too unbelievable and all the hard would be too unbearable." So far, this is very true. If in that moment, when God called us to foster, if we would have succumbed to our fears, oh what we would have missed out on. Joy and life! And the hard. The hard that shows us God can do the impossible.
Has God called you to do something you are afraid to do? No, not ride a motorcycle😂. I use this example merely as a tool. I mean something you know down deep that God wants you to do.
But because of the fears of "what ifs" and the fears of "I can't", you have said "no", or "not right now". It could be as simple as walking up to a stranger and talking about the love of Jesus. I know I have said no to that one in particular, out of fear. It could be missions, adoption, ministry at work, church etc. And I'm not talking about doing the things we think we are equipped for, or we are good at. I'm talking about those things we know God wants us to do that simply terrify us. You know, that sick to your stomach, no not me, thing He asks us to do. I have missed out on so much joy over the years, because of saying no due to fear. How do I know that? Because the times I said yes to Jesus, especially in the midst of fear, the joy was exhilarating, and my relationship with Jesus became so much closer.
Are you ready to RIDE INTO FEAR? I'm not telling you to go get a motorcycle. I'm not telling you to go adopt. I'm asking, will you join me in listening and responding to the prompting of the Most High God? Are you willing to say "YES" to what God is asking you to do even in the midst of fear? You see when we are fearful, He is our brave. When we are not enough, He is enough!
I need to confess. This word has been on my heart for months, but I haven't been willing to write it. Why? Because I have been afraid. The last couple years have been some of the hardest. Crazy "bad" things one-after-the-other have bombarded us month after month. By us saying "yes" to Jesus, I do believe we rocked the eternal a bit. Satan lost some ground. We are in a spiritual war; our yes was an attack on the enemy. The enemy has launched a counterattack. So, I've grown weary in battle, and fear has crept in. In moments like these, I tend to forget who my KING is. We are not a family waging war; we are children of the living God in an army that will destroy evil.
Today I rode into FEAR on my motorcycle. Today I ride into FEAR in the spiritual. Will you join me?
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Psalm 56:3
